Topaz Dreams

Polly has been chronically itchy for years. It’s been on the deal-with-eventually list for a while. 2022 was all about rehab and recovery and finding new baselines. At our fall vet visit, we opted to move forward with ulcer treatment, but also do allergy testing. The supplements were helping some. She was still itchy. She’d break out in hives on her hind legs and wanted so badly to rub on things when put in turnout.

Some horses have minor allergies to things, break out in hives, get over it, repeat. Polly was stuck in a cycle where she’d break out slowly in hives, get itchy, stay itchy, start to rub a few sections raw, get coated in cream.. maybe I made a blog post about trying fly sheets on her to see if that helped. It did not, but I got good at patching the many holes she’d put in the fly sheets.

The test results came back. Polly is allergic to, and this is not a comprehensive list:

• flax
• alfalfa
• wheat grass
• rye
• oats
• and various weeds, trees, insects, etc.

Polly’s “safe” cookies were flax cookies. They all got gifted to her cob friends. They’re great low-sugar, good for coats, all that stuff.. but bad for Polly.

Thankfully I’d just finished the alfalfa pellets – that’s what you give horses with ulcer problems, after all! – and moved her to grass pellets.

Also thankfully, the barn has already been feeding her straight grass hay, as the grass/alfalfa mix we started on wasn’t available and I didn’t want her on a straight flake of alfalfa. (I did talk to the vet, and we’re in agreement that if/when we move into endurance rides, Polly can eat whatever the heck she wants at the rides and we’ll just address the symptoms afterwards. A day or two every once in a while isn’t awful.)

Polly is now on one OTC allergy supplement, one prescription allergy supplement, and allergy shots. We had some breakthrough hives this fall that might be tied to the shots, so backed down on the dose with vet/clinic guidance and so far so good. Some folks would call in with great concern for the low-level stuff that we’ve just accepted as normal. She’s no longer rubbing herself raw or destroying her halters with how itchy she is in turnout, mostly! I won’t leave her there unsupervised, and I do ask her not to rub her neck on the trees, which seems to come up mostly in the week or so after the injections.

Polly no longer absolutely melts into my touch every time I offer wither scratches. I’m delighted. Poor mare was so uncomfortable for so long, and I hope we can keep making progress on this, even if it means doing allergy shots for the next 20 years.

I wasn’t saddle shopping.

I own two saddles and one horse. One saddle is fitted to Polly. The other saddle is fitted to my friend’s horse and my regular borrowable-pony, a reasonable investment for when friends come over, and a lot cheaper than a second horse.

I rode LDs and 50s in the Thorowgood. It made logical sense to buy a second, near-identical one for Polly when we started her oh-so-lightly under saddle. Change is hard, you know? So it’s all kitted out, webbers, fleece, endurance stirrups, saddle bags.

We did an endurance clinic in the fall. I momentarily felt like I might need an endurance saddle again to help support me, and then I shortened my stirrups a hole the next week, and suddenly I could trot properly again with good balance. Imagine that. Also, saddles are expensive. I’d want a Specialized, and it would have to get fitted to Polly, and they never show up in my budget. I commented to my partner that I really wasn’t looking, it would have to have a couple particular specs, and the right brand, and in budget.

A week or two later one showed up on Facebook. Met the specs. Right brand. Top end of budget, but in budget. I asked zero questions, asked for zero further photos, said I’d buy it if it was available and happy to cover shipping. Thirty minutes later I was the happy owner of a saddle that was shipping cross-country to me. “So I bought a saddle”, I texted my partner, who called me and went “you did WHAT” but was also very supportive if very entertained.

Saddle showed up. It lived at my house for a month before I could coordinate getting the fitter out. It wasn’t going to fit right without shims, and it didn’t make sense to mess with it myself when I could have someone else do it. I pulled out my old set of spare stirrups in case I needed them, and my Woolback pads, and the seat cover. Being a pack rat is occasionally useful. I even knew where to look!

I guess I should also note that after my last fall this year, I was frustrated at the dressage saddle and how I felt it tipped me forward, so I solved the problem by riding bareback for like three weeks until I finally got the fitter on the calendar. I don’t know if I recommend the solution, but it worked for us.

The saddle fitting went smoothly. Walk-trot, walk-trot, fiddle fiddle fiddle, try this, try that. It’s a leather seat and I haaaated how slippery it felt, so wandered back up to the truck, added the seat cover, got back on, lost our trot. Polly said very, very clearly that she did not approve of the seat cover. She wasn’t sure what I was asking for or how I was sitting. Tried again, same result. Pulled the seat cover, trot was fine again. Oh. OK, pony.

I bought several pairs of full seat breeches over the Black Friday sales to fix the slippery, and so far those are pony-acceptable.

One would think that would solve all the problems, and one would be wrong.

I have been riding in Webbers with sometimes-turned stirrups for a whole lot of years now. Picking up my stirrups without turned stirrups really sucks. I tried turning them with the existing fenders, and it doesn’t really work. I bought regular stirrup leathers. They pinch and I hate it. I bought stirrup turners. They work great, but then the stirrups are too long and the fenders don’t go short enough. I swapped back to stirrup leathers and added fleece covers, and now my shins are low-key bruised from the buckles on the stirrups. I sighed, grumbled, ordered a set of shorter fenders, and the verdict is out on those as they haven’t arrived yet.

Overall, though, I’m feeling more confident in the saddle that holds me in a bit more and gives me something to grab in front. It might be an entirely mental thing! I will take all the mental help I can get. It feels silly to be this picky about small annoyances. But. I want to ride longer distances again. Small things turn into big things over time. If I’m annoyed now, five hours later I’ll be really bothered. We will get there!

Blog posts I still need to write:

• Hives, allergies, treatment (we have progress on this front!)
• Green horse problems: I fell off four times this year and we’ve made some changes as a result
• Mounting and anxiety
• Saddles, saddle fit, princess and the pea, all my saddle accessories are costing me more than the saddle did

But instead we’ll start with a lesson recap, as the most time-sensitive of the bunch!

Long-time readers might recall that I took lessons with Confetti in our first few years, scattered between different trainers. I didn’t love any of the barn trainers. An old hunter trainer did a few lessons over the years with me, but it’s quite the drive for them, and they aren’t teaching regularly these days. I finally settled for just flailing our way through things at our own speed as I couldn’t get anyone out regularly.

Current barn had one trainer when I started and doesn’t allow outside trainers. There’s nothing wrong with that trainer. I was comfortable enough that she used Confetti in a handful of lessons. However, it wasn’t a match for what I wanted in my lessons, nor for how I wanted to start Polly’s way of going. Perfect world I would have taken some lessons on Polly when she was at training, but.. well.. lameness then stifle surgery really threw a wrench or three into all those plans.

So I stepped into the world of BTTM. I’m not going to try to go into a lot of what it is here, there are far better explanations out there than what I could put out. The theory is around connection to the horse and really focusing on the basics rather than forcing them into movements they’re not able to do correctly. Philosophically, this rings true to me. As always with any trainer or methodology: take what works for you! I was able to do two remote sessions with Celeste early in Polly’s rehab, once before we’d even started under saddle, once after we’d gotten things going. There was a nearby clinic last year that we hauled out to, newer BTTM trainers working with us under Celeste’s guidance, and I found that valuable too.

Current barn now has a second trainer on-site. I don’t agree with everything I’ve seen, but overall, I’ve been really impressed. We finally connected for a lesson this month. My introduction was, maybe literally, “I have a green horse who’s been very good and I’m anxious about things she’s given me no reason to be anxious about.”

First lesson was a lot of “ask Polly for trot and then actually ride the big trot she offers instead of shutting her down with hands and seat. Oh. Oops. Sorry pony. And we did it, and it was fine, and I did not die! Plus we worked on downwards transitions, walk to halt, trot to walk, trot to halt. She should come down off seat and voice and not so much hands, and it shouldn’t take forever. This actually went passably OK given our amount of schooling on that (see: near-zero). Also some extension and collection work in small doses, really just getting us both on the same page as to what that means and that Polly really can do it.

Second lesson we moved to addressing her right hind. She’s not engaging it, she’s lacking muscle there, this probably explains the head tilt I’ve been seeing for all of 2023. Bring her nose right, move the hind leg over. This is really hard for us. She doesn’t want to respond to my right leg, probably because it’s hard, so we need to do some work with it anyway to build that strength and muscle. Think about asking for a trot off a small circle, almost turn on the haunches – and oh yeah, school some turns on the haunches to ask for that lateral movement too.

So far, so good. More lessons to come this month and we might just keep it up for a while til our confidence gets back to where it should be!

We’re at five and a half months after surgery. I just added Polly back to the daily turnout list. I don’t know that she’ll do an awful lot of running, but I think it’s good for her mentally to have a few hours in a big paddock.

Our work right now is really about setting expectations, manageable goals, meeting her where she’s at. People on trail still require an alert, but she no longer freezes in place. Dogs aren’t a big deal. Deer and bobcats both require hard looks and lots of thoughts. Turkeys are still concerning. The head-tossing I struggled with for so (so so so) long is mostly gone? I don’t know if it’ll ever resolve completely. We’re not having rides where I have no steering because her head is in five different directions and her feet and shoulders are too. I don’t think I take any credit for this; I suspect her trainer has told her that’s not a thing good ponies do, and Polly went “OK not a thing I do,” and this is why I have help. Honestly, this is the training I hoped we’d get in last summer. It’s absolutely worth it for me. Knowing she’s getting out, knowing she’s getting those “Polly was amazing” reports, hearing over and over how she’s a solid citizen, really enjoyable, reliable, etc. This is my counterbalance to the rehab walks where I watched her do tiny bolts, spins, radiate anxious energy. Frankly, she’s been amazing under saddle.. or under bareback pad, as trainer friend has taken to riding her almost exclusively bareback.

My horse is now more arena-savvy than I am. On the weekends we work on trotting laps. Balance and confidence are the target, more for me than her. The first few rides in the arena I got on, walked down the long side, panicked at turning left, and was on for maybe five minutes total. That’s a me problem, not a Polly problem. Now we go trot laps in both directions til she settles and I remember how out of shape I am and that I haven’t done fifteen minutes of nearly solid trotting in years now, at least not at speed.

Polly did in fact learn the “I stand still for mounting” piece. She’s better without someone at her head, we learned, as then she’s thinking about me and not putting her nose on people and oh maybe there’s cookies and hello hello how interesting you are. It’s still not perfect, but it’s good enough that I can work on not having an anxious meltdown over putting my foot in the stirrup to mount.

I am working on moving her to a fancier stall, same barn. I love the open stall she’s in now. I don’t love that she sticks her head through the fence for her neighbor’s hay, both getting more hay than she needs and rubbing out her mane. I really don’t love that it seems like half the days I’m out there, she and her neighbor fuss (fine!) and her hind legs connect with the pipe panel (not fine). The scrapes on her butt and her face aren’t an issue. The legs, though, I don’t think slamming them into metal repeatedly is healthy.

There’s still an imbalance at the trot. My suspicion is that it’s a strength thing, and will resolve with time and consistent work. She feels like she’s falling on her forehand going right, and then I ask her to actually balance herself and quit falling in, and oh hey horse feels normal again. It’s not her default, but it’s attainable if I ask for it.

Polly still spooks at her own shadow. It’s a silly, frustrating, and probably very normal phase. I don’t like it, and it’s stressful, but we’re working on it. She does open gates inward now, and we’re working on steps to open it back towards us as well. Some days she stands at the tie rail, most days she digs holes in the dirt. It’s improving, for sure, but it’s not great.

With the time change, I finally dropped to five days a week instead of seven at the barn. She’s still getting out all seven; whenever we transition off that I think turnout will be enough.

I’m re-learning how to really sit and follow the walk. I keep telling myself that all this walk work will pay off in the long run. It feels a long way off. Some days I feel really “plugged in” as Megan taught, some days I am totally not there and keep putting Nicole and her gaited duo in my head as “if I were Nicole on her gaited horse, how would I be sitting?” and sometimes that makes it click too.

I can text and ride bareback now. We’re rediscovering normal. Six months since I lost Fetti. It’s still raw some days. The grief comes in waves; it’s not Polly’s fault. The next goal is to haul over to our old stomping grounds (five minutes away) and ride the ponies over there – and that’s where I think I will struggle to compartmentalize. It needs to be done! I miss those trails! But I miss my pony too, and there’s a lot of memories on those trails.

Small steps, one day at a time.

The end of year vet visit went beautifully. We trotted in a straight line. We trotted in a circle in the arena, with only mild shenanigans. The vet was pleased with her progress, especially after looking at the pre-surgery videos, and after discussion I got her OK to let Polly start moving in limited amounts in turnout, using my best judgment.

Honestly, I’m happier about that than about the clear-to-trot bit, though obviously both are important. Asking her to not spook under saddle while also not giving her any outlet for that energy feels unfair. Polly positively bounced around the (tiny) turnout once she figured out she was allowed to move! I’m holding off putting her back on Large Turnout rotation until we’re further along. It does make for an interesting balance. I want her to move. I don’t think lots of circles are in her best interest. I don’t want her to do any real work on the circle. So: our current compromise is that most days, we’ll head into the round pen (better footing), on a line, and I send her out. Speed is up to her as long as it’s not full zoomy canter for circles on end. I try to have us go both ways. When she’s done bouncing around, we’re done.

This is the point in rehab where the surgery vet said we should be doing 30 minute rides under saddle, including 10 minutes of trotting. Up from zero minutes of trotting. I nodded initially when I read that, and now I laugh. 10 minutes? How about.. 30 seconds? I don’t know how to trot baby pony under saddle! She doesn’t quite know how to carry me under saddle! We’re absolutely not, no way, no how, doing a full ten minutes of trotting under saddle right now.

Instead, our schedule thus far:

12/30: Vet visit! Cleared for trotting! Nothing else of note today, I was emotionally exhausted (the vet visit was fine! but nonetheless) and went home after.
12/31: 20 minutes in Tiny Turnout. One burst of energy. Rode out and back to the lower gate, approx 20 minutes, mostly not on the lead line.
1/1: 15 minutes Tiny Turnout/Round Pen. Polly figured out she was allowed to move, so we went to the round pen for safer footing. Rode out to the right (30min), mostly on the lead line, two short trots that felt very discombobulated.
1/2: 10min round pen on line. Rode out to the right (30min), mostly on the line, three short trots felt much better. We’re talking like.. ten-fifteen steps of trot here. 🙂
1/3 – 1/6: I wasn’t as good at logging these. One day I focused on groundwork at the barn. One day I opted not to ride due to exuberant horse in the big turnout (Polly was fine, I was anxious). I have no idea what happened the third day. Who knows!
1/7: rode out to the right, no ground crew, with friend on her horse. 30min, stayed on the whole way, had steering and brakes and everything!
1/8: Low energy in round pen, great! Rode out to the left, didn’t like the energy I felt even with being on a lead line. Hopped off after the road, hand-walked the rest of it. This is not our comfort zone direction.
1/9: Awfully spooky in round pen, enough that I took her off the line and let her loose to try to work through it. No real luck. rode out to the right, friend on her horse + partner hiking with us, requested lead line help a few times (another horse! eek!) but mostly off line. Despite round pen lack of focus, totally fine on trail.

Trotting is happening, it’s just not necessarily with me on her. The plan for now is to continue along this path, trot on the trail when I have someone hiking with us who can keep us on a line, otherwise walk. I’m not confident enough in our trot to have steering and brakes and balance from both of us. Once we move to the stage where I can steer and go and stop without help, then we can look at small jogs on our non-hiking-friend days.

Fixing WordPress so I can upload photos is still on the list for this month, until then Instagram is best for photo updates when I can get good ones.