Topaz Dreams

There are posts that stick in my head, some that bounce around as blog fodder short-term, some that change how I ride, some that I internalize and use to change how I handle life. Usually I’m pretty good about referencing them within a few weeks of when they come up, if I’m going to blog about them.  In this particular case I had to go digging through Funder’s archives to figure out what I was thinking of, and discovered it had been more than two years and it was still solidly in my head and in my actions.

It’s funny, the things that stick with you over time.  Say yes to things unless you have a compelling reason not to.  I am a shy introvert who has a horse that makes me more social. I have a solid dose of social anxiety. I’ve learned to work my way through social events, but if it’s a constantly-social thing, I’m probably going to end up with a migraine.  I’m not always a social butterfly at the barn, and a good chunk of my barn time is spent being appropriately anti-social with wonderful friends who are equally anti-social in the evenings. Funder’s post was a bit of an ephiphany: I can’t control what invitations I receive, but I can control how I react to them.

I took Fetti to an obstacle challenge and hung out for the day volunteering.

We rode drag for the ACTHA event.  We went to the beach. When the opportunity came up for us to go to a multi-day ride in June, we went.  I’m on the board for two local-ish horse groups.. okay maybe that’s not exactly what was meant, but it’s networking.  I’m trailer-less and it gets me socializing and meeting people, so sometimes the non-horse stuff is just as important.

I’ve ridden with lots of folks at my barn at lots of different speeds, and regret almost none of them.  (I catch-rode one horse for someone with minimal steering, questionable brakes, definitely lame. That lasted all of two rides and then I got to work on boundaries: no, I will not ride this horse until it is not-lame.)

And a step further for my mental health: it’s okay to decorate my horse for Halloween.  I never got to do that as a child.  If it makes me happy, it’s okay to do silly stuff like that.  There might be totally cliche Christmas photos this year, but only if I can find satisfactory supplies.

I’m slowly, slowly teaching my brain that open invitations don’t actually mean ‘everyone except for Fig’, despite the fact that I nearly always parse them that way and have to constantly justify my participation to myself.

Fluffy, social blonde ponies make it hard to fade into the shadows.  Our walk-rides in the winter double as social meanderings where we chat with lots of people.

Two years later, I’m still actively choosing to say yes whenever possible, and it’s pretty awesome.

Yay, a blog hop from That Red Mare!

1. Mares or Geldings? Why?
Mares. I love the attitude and the partnership and the challenge. I have a thing for difficult mares.

2. Green-broke or Fully Broke?
At this point in my life, fully broke. I know I don’t know enough to do really well by a green-broke horse. Probably green-broke in the future with an appropriate support system.

3. Would you own a “hotter” breed (ie. Arabian, Trakhener, etc).
Absolutely!  I’m aiming to continue in endurance, which means at some point I’m likely to end up with an Arabian.  I’ve met some really mellow Arabians, though, so I’m not particularly concerned about the breed-typing.  I also own a fairly hot Haflinger (as far as Haflingers go) who we’ve negotiated into slightly-less-hot, but that’s not exactly breed-stereotyped either.

4. What was your “dream horse” growing up?
Big bay hunter-type, maybe dabble in jumpers some, gelding.  Pretty much Simon.  That’s just how it was done.  It probably helped that there was a particular bay gelding that stole my heart despite having the most discombobulated canter I can remember riding.

5. What kind of bit(s) do you use and why?
Myler 32-3 – the triple barrel mouthpiece. I have a full cheek snaffle on one bridle (because I found it for free!) and a combination bit on another (because I wanted to give it a try). There’s a double-jointed full cheek snaffle on her dressage bridle.
Mylers are nice expensive bits and I figured the free one was worth a try; she didn’t hate it, but really I have an awfully hard time telling if she cares about any bits. I do better riding in something where I can have contact, so we spend most of our time in the full-cheek.  When she’s really pissed at me and wants to throw a fit it matters not at all what bit I have on. However, when she’s bolting/spooking from fear, she has pretty reliably hit the bit and stopped. This makes her a horse I’m not willing to put in a hackamore full-time, though I will sometimes hack around the barn in a halter because I’m lazy.

6. Helmets or no helmets?
Helmets.

7. Favorite horse color?
I love dark grays.  I wish they would stay that way.  I rode an Appaloosa mare for a while who had the best dark gray coat, and kept it! (Did I mention my thing for difficult mares?!)
I love my blonde chestnut pony too, but that felt too easy: I think I’d fall in love with the color of my current horse, whatever color that is.

8. Least favorite horse color?
Bay roan.  I’ve met two now and while I didn’t know either very well, just cannot get myself to like the color.  Which is not to say I won’t change my mind in the future, but currently that’s the only one I can think of that I have a moderately strong negative reaction to.

9. Dressage or Jumping?
Both.  If I had to pick, though, I think with Fetti I’d jump: we both get bored going in unmotivated circles, and even adding poles to trot over makes life more interesting.

10. How many years have you been riding?
Fourteen years since I started lessons.

11. Spurs/whip or no spurs/whip?
Whip, no spurs.  I’m not solid enough with my leg for spurs, though I have ridden with them regularly in the past, and they don’t make enough difference with ‘Fetti for me to bother.  A nice dressage whip lets me keep both hands on the reins while reinforcing leg.  I don’t always need it, but when I do, I really need it.

12. Your first fall?
My first horse show.  I was riding a cranky and rather feisty mare who was supposed to have been longed earlier in the day by the grooms… but we (and her owner, one of the trainers) later learned this never happened.  Oops!  Rather like Fetti, she politely held it together for the two walk/trot classes we did, then bolted in the walk/trot/canter class. I wasn’t balanced enough to ride it out and fell off.  Same thing in the second WTC class, except that I narrowly missed hitting the fence with my head.  These were pretty crowded classes in a small indoor arena, fairly late in the day. I was put on a different horse for my fifth and final class.
My parents were a little traumatized.  I was totally hooked.  That mare remained one of my favorites until she was retired to pasture.

13. When was the last time you rode and what did you do?
Yesterday we trotted briskly out on our short-loop, trotted back to the first ‘road’ section, then walked sedately for the next mile and a half with occasional interspersed bits of jog when she had her brain.  I was very pleased.  Also, there were deer on the way out and the way back and she was very good about alerting me!

14. Most expensive piece of tack you own?
Definitely my Eurolight.  Eep.

15. How old were you when you started riding?
Twelve when I started lessons.

16. Leather or Nylon halters?
Nylon, between the two.  Usually rope, though.  Haflingers aren’t known for being sensitive. Nylon halters are more decorative than functional, and I don’t have spare funds to throw at a good leather halter.

17. Leather or Synthetic saddles?
Whatever fits.  I’d lean towards synthetic just for ease of upkeep, but really, whatever fits.  I have one of each.

18. What “grip” of reins do you like?
Dressage: web reins with rein stops, specifically the ones from Horze.  I may have mentioned once that I bought a bridle since it wasn’t that much more expensive than just buying the reins.
Endurance: non-grippy! straight beta with no grip, or the web reins have sometimes made an appearance (I think one or both days at Wild West this year).
Bareback: rope reins with a rommel. I still need to reattach the rommel from when she stepped on it and broke the attachment 🙁
Key theme is minimal grip since I do periodically slip the reins to her when things happen.

19. English or Western?
I am an English rider at heart.

20. How many horses do you currently own/lease?
One, though I sometimes get to play with the other two in her herd.

21. Do you board your horse? Self-care/full board? Home board?
Self-care board, where I do nearly everything myself but pay someone to clean and feed as-needed the three days a week I can’t make it out there in daylight.

22. Have you ever had to put down a horse that you loved?
I have never had to make the decision, but I wrote about it briefly when one of the Haffies was put down in March.  He wasn’t mine, but he was part of my “herd” at the barn, and he definitely has a special place in my heart.

23. How many saddlepads do you have?
Two Woolbacks, one Coolback, one pink tie-dye, one black, one white, one pink, one pink I need to sell, one (two?) that have been repurposed as saddle rack cushions. That comes to what, eight functional pads? Only seven live in the tack room though.

24. Slant-load trailer or straight haul?
I would opt for a slant-load, but Fetti loads fairly reliably in either.  I would, in truth, be happy to have any safe trailer and truck.

25. Why do you ride?
It keeps me sane. It gives me a social life and people to relate to. It gives me somewhere to set reasonable, attainable goals. It’s an escape from reality, but also somewhere I have to leave reality behind and leave those emotions on the ground.
I ride because it makes me a better person.

There’s a monster in the woods, she said.

Left leg, right rein. No there is not. Glance left, pause, stare left. No, there definitely is not.

There’s something in the woods and it does not belong.

Sidepass, sidepass, no spinning, there is nothing there and you’re making it up again. Not even a shopping cart like last year. No deer, no leaves moving, just get over it and go already. Right rein, left rein, leg leg leg, gentle tap, more rein-ohcrap “HELLO! CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING SO MY HORSE KNOWS YOU’RE THERE?”

The rustling stopped. The figure – barely visible, forty feet into the trees – paused for a few moments, then started crackling off again in the opposite direction. One solitary male human. Probably homeless. May or may not be intoxicated or dangerous, but given the total lack of response, not a good person to run into.

Kick, cluck, kick. Onwards pony, this is not a good place to stick around right now. Reluctantly forwards, sucking back every few steps, full of tension and anxiety with a reminder that the last Real Work was five days ago: too long.

I relaxed a bit when we crossed the road into the park. She did not. Cold. Chilly. Oddly empty, as the time change has sent all the tourists home, and oddly quiet. We trotted a mile out, full of anxious energy and spooks and tension, and I hopped off and walk/jogged the mile home with her.  Too much anxiety, too much energy, all she wanted to do was run.  To her credit, she found most of her brain by the time I got back on and we crossed the road to head back towards home.

Stealthy pony-steps in the fading light, all senses alert. No verbal communication needed. Watch the ears, trust her senses, get us home safe and silently.

A distinctive ‘clink’ as we walked quietly in the twilight. Barefoot hoof against glass bottle.  It’s that time of year again: no more solitary evening rides.

I don’t think of myself as particularly fit.  I ride four days a week, mostly walk/trot.  I don’t canter very often: partly because I’m not especially great at cantering, partly because I don’t have Fetti very fit for cantering.  (These problems definitely play on each other.)  Running comes and goes, depending on how frequently I’ve injured myself in some way, shape, or form: I am one of those people where something almost always hurts.

My two-point improves when I
– have a quiet but forward-thinking horse
– am generally feeling good
– have wide, shock-absorbing stirrups with running shoes

My two-point deteriorates when I
– have to use lots of leg (I tend to bring my heel up – pony problems)
– have a spooky horse – my core isn’t good enough to support me through sudden speed changes
– hold lots of tension

I have not seriously done two-point since I quit jumping lessons.  I have not pushed my physical limits in several years, either.  October started with my genuine belief that I’d max out around five minutes, maybe ten if I really worked on it towards the end of the month.  But it would be good incentive for me to actually get on and ride around, and maybe I wouldn’t completely embarrass myself.  Time myself periodically, see if the time improves if I’m actually doing it more than once or twice a year for thirty seconds at a time…

Two-point at a pokey western jog in circles in the arena: pathetic and boring.  I quit before my legs gave out because neither of us could take it any longer. Two-point on the trail: totally acceptable. My final ride was the first time I felt myself really hit a wall.. and I hit that wall five minutes in and stubbornly refused to accept it for the next 35.

Naturally, that means that I’m sitting here with imposter syndrome, trying to convince myself that I really did do it right and I really do deserve all this.. because I sure didn’t set out to win anything, and it’s breaking my brain a little bit.

So – I will put this down in writing, to hopefully convince myself of it – I did, in fact, hit a wall on that ride.  It was not all sparkles and flowers and rainbows.  There was effort and misery involved, thus it’s not that I was Doing It Wrong.  I just happen to be in a position where I’m riding for a lot longer than most.

Incidentally, that might explain why I had a tough time finding a catch-rider for Fetti when I tried to offer her to some friends for Fireworks 25 this year.  I think trotting 25 miles / 6 hours is no big deal.  They think it’s pretty intimidating and they’re not in shape for it, and these are folks who I think are better riders and in better arena-shape than I am.

Next challenge, after winter? Posting trot, no stirrups.

TLDR: How to train for 2Pointober: posting trot for 6 hours/25 miles on a pony.

[Saturday edit, additional thought!] I’ve alluded to it on the blog in the past, but I also do a fair bit of bareback riding in the summer.  I did a lot last year, on a wonderfully solid-but-bouncy Haflinger, and less this year since he passed away 🙁  Perhaps a regular pattern of 4-10 mile bareback trail rides, largely at the trot, might also be helpful training for 2Pointober.  That didn’t occur to me because it’s been so normal. I owe a lot to that pony.